Don’t Panic it’s ‘just’ a Panic Attack!

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

Don’t panic , it’s ‘just’ a PANIC ATTACK ! ‘Just’ is a very interesting word to me . It is put before many different descriptions of this our Human experience. And to me it seems to be a way of making whatever’s going on , seem a bit smaller, a bit gentler , a bit less extreme than what the experience actually is ,for self or other ! I find it very interesting when the word is put in front of the words Panic Attack . Especially when these words are spoken by someone who has never actually physically noticed themselves having a panic attack. Speaking from the inside of my brain and body , that over the last 3 years has been experiencing something happen to me every now and then ,which I never experienced before the stillbirth of Angel Benjammin, my loss of a hospital tables worth of blood and my heart stopping for a bit , I can say categorically that there is no such thing as ‘just’ a panic attack! I know and appreciate that every one of us amazing awesome pieces of Creation are different and experience our perception of life in our own individual ways . That said I’m going to describe what my experience of a panic attack is , just so anyone who has never heard of or experienced one themselves, can have a description to at least begin a compassionate response from . I’m not gonna pretend that I’m going to be able to tell you exactly what happens to me , because the first thing that lets me know that something is going on is that I become aware that I am out of my body , but again this is not completely it , more like I realise that something is not right or normal . But this noticing is like a really small quiet voice in my mind , my mind that is watching myself and saying , ‘this is not right ‘for but as my brain begins to hear this voice my eyes, ears ,skin ,nose ,tongue and very essence begin to shudder with a deeply experienced feeling of dread. My heart is racing my stomach tight Jaw clenched. I may realise that I am holding my breath and when I try to begin to breathe, I realise how hard my body is shaking . All of this might happen in a second , this becoming bodily aware of the panic , then because it’s so overwhelming , for my brain I ‘just’ pop out of my body again and the whole experience loops round again. If I’m lucky , as I begin to realise , I manage to remember that this is a panic attack. I then do the things that I have learned, I tap ,I take rescue remedy , I go to find someone I trust and know well and I say ‘I’m having a panic attack. I accept the cuddles and the tea and I sit , breathing. Until my heart starts to beat slower. At some point I realise that I am now in my body and my heart is inside my body and so am I.This begins to be a nice feeling, I start to feel good about being in my body , my mind starts to think , and before I know it I’m crying, now sobbing, now shaking….. and I’m out of my body again and back in the panic loop! This part of the panic attack is the most frustrating. The gentle acceptance that it takes a while to calm down completely and that any small thing can then set the cycle off again has been a hard won piece of self learning. So I sit , I tap , I breathe, I take rescue remedy , I let myself cry , I allow myself to process my feelings, I’ve been through ALOT and it is appropriate for me to have extreme emotional reactions sometimes especially whilst I am in the middle of my 5 month set of energetic therapy sessions . Here’s what I say “ Even though, I’m still having a panic attack , I still truely and deeply , Love Honour Cherish and Respect myself, All parts of Myself, including my totally justified panic attack. And I ask for help , in healing And I give thanks that my healing is happening. “ And then I tap some more and I drink some water , I tap all over my body sometimes and always remember to drink water . And then gradually the Traumatic feelings finally leave and I’m left feeling tired but more me than I was before. Sometimes this panic attack cycle can be over in a hour , sometimes it takes days . I’m walking with it and revealing my true self to myself gently and compassionately, just like I would for anyone else , but this time I’m doing it for Me! And Angel Benjammin is proud of his Mum for finally doing it! I hope this helps and I would love to know your thoughts and experiences too! Xxxlovelaraxxx

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