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Don’t Panic it’s ‘just’ a Panic Attack!

February 10th, 2019 by FairyDoula

Don’t panic , it’s ‘just’ a PANIC ATTACK ! ‘Just’ is a very interesting word to me . It is put before many different descriptions of this our Human experience. And to me it seems to be a way of making whatever’s going on , seem a bit smaller, a bit gentler , a bit less extreme than what the experience actually is ,for self or other ! I find it very interesting when the word is put in front of the words Panic Attack . Especially when these words are spoken by someone who has never actually physically noticed themselves having a panic attack. Speaking from the inside of my brain and body , that over the last 3 years has been experiencing something happen to me every now and then ,which I never experienced before the stillbirth of Angel Benjammin, my loss of a hospital tables worth of blood and my heart stopping for a bit , I can say categorically that there is no such thing as ‘just’ a panic attack! I know and appreciate that every one of us amazing awesome pieces of Creation are different and experience our perception of life in our own individual ways . That said I’m going to describe what my experience of a panic attack is , just so anyone who has never heard of or experienced one themselves, can have a description to at least begin a compassionate response from . I’m not gonna pretend that I’m going to be able to tell you exactly what happens to me , because the first thing that lets me know that something is going on is that I become aware that I am out of my body , but again this is not completely it , more like I realise that something is not right or normal . But this noticing is like a really small quiet voice in my mind , my mind that is watching myself and saying , ‘this is not right ‘for but as my brain begins to hear this voice my eyes, ears ,skin ,nose ,tongue and very essence begin to shudder with a deeply experienced feeling of dread. My heart is racing my stomach tight Jaw clenched. I may realise that I am holding my breath and when I try to begin to breathe, I realise how hard my body is shaking . All of this might happen in a second , this becoming bodily aware of the panic , then because it’s so overwhelming , for my brain I ‘just’ pop out of my body again and the whole experience loops round again. If I’m lucky , as I begin to realise , I manage to remember that this is a panic attack. I then do the things that I have learned, I tap ,I take rescue remedy , I go to find someone I trust and know well and I say ‘I’m having a panic attack. I accept the cuddles and the tea and I sit , breathing. Until my heart starts to beat slower. At some point I realise that I am now in my body and my heart is inside my body and so am I.This begins to be a nice feeling, I start to feel good about being in my body , my mind starts to think , and before I know it I’m crying, now sobbing, now shaking….. and I’m out of my body again and back in the panic loop! This part of the panic attack is the most frustrating. The gentle acceptance that it takes a while to calm down completely and that any small thing can then set the cycle off again has been a hard won piece of self learning. So I sit , I tap , I breathe, I take rescue remedy , I let myself cry , I allow myself to process my feelings, I’ve been through ALOT and it is appropriate for me to have extreme emotional reactions sometimes especially whilst I am in the middle of my 5 month set of energetic therapy sessions . Here’s what I say “ Even though, I’m still having a panic attack , I still truely and deeply , Love Honour Cherish and Respect myself, All parts of Myself, including my totally justified panic attack. And I ask for help , in healing And I give thanks that my healing is happening. “ And then I tap some more and I drink some water , I tap all over my body sometimes and always remember to drink water . And then gradually the Traumatic feelings finally leave and I’m left feeling tired but more me than I was before. Sometimes this panic attack cycle can be over in a hour , sometimes it takes days . I’m walking with it and revealing my true self to myself gently and compassionately, just like I would for anyone else , but this time I’m doing it for Me! And Angel Benjammin is proud of his Mum for finally doing it! I hope this helps and I would love to know your thoughts and experiences too! Xxxlovelaraxxx

Posted in Lara's blog

Releasing Rage Rainbows

January 31st, 2019 by FairyDoula

Taming our minds! Therapy and life together is a heady exhausting experience! The places the kinetic muscle testing leads my therapist and I to , to heal and release are sometimes quite hard for my thinking mind to accept. I’m ok with healing stuff from my lifetime so far , from my conception, from my genetic family line all these are acceptable to me . However , healing trauma from past lives ?!!!! This I found harder to accept , my brain felt angry , why should I have to do that too? Why can’t I just heal me and get on with my life ? Another bit of my brain lobbies for attention pointing out that my Soul Is eternal So any experience of my Soul is my experience. I’m still annoyed and half half don’t really wanna go there ! But I’m in therapy because my brain and emotions are too hair trigger extreme for me to function ably so I shut my brain up And I get on! I call in my Angelic support group Billy rose, Angel Benjammin Nanna Ivy Granny Ethel , Ben To be strong for me and to communicate with this past life piece of me , seeing as they are there already! I was then aware that my gang all linked arms and stood around me Closely protecting me . Then they said , as one , ‘ She’s really REALLY angry! ‘ So Sandra and I used AIT , the release thru my chakras one , and we started to release ‘All the rage ‘ On the first round from crown to root , I felt really sick and literally heaved ! feeling a tight pressure on my Throat. We went through my chakras again and the next time I could feel a hot prickling all over me like pins of fire , hot and angry and strong but in pieces ! We went round again and this time at my heart I began the cry and as we finished and I sat , a woman came to me and told me her story Alice in the 1800’s , married to a drunk who beat and harmed her , one day he nearly strangled her , she fought back and killed him ! Then they hung her ! No wonder she was pissed off! I felt her peace as her rage was released and her story witnessed, and then she left me . The next 24 hrs were very strange , I was grieving, silent and crying, not really able to explain to myself or others what was happening. I finally realised I was grieving that my soul knew what it felt like to kill. It finally passed , and I am a bit gentler to others and myself than I was before . My brain still jumps around madly thinking ! I’m Learning to quiet it’s chatter . It’s not easy to break a habit of a lifetime but I’m giving it a go! Here’s what I do! Try it and let me know how it works for you! Once your body is relaxed , focus on your breath. It is common for thoughts to arise and for you to want to attend to them. Each time this occurs focus specifically on your breathing. Some find that when they actually think of their nostrils and the air entering and exiting that this brings their focus back. Other techniques that assist in decreasing mind wandering are the use of a mantra, a word or phrase that is repeated over and over, or focusing on a candle or single object. By doing so it is impossible to give those wandering thoughts attention. In some practices, the teacher gives the mantra to the student who tells no one else the mantra. Find that which works best for you. Everyone is different. Mine is’ lovelovelove’ It will take time and effort. Don’t be discouraged. It may take a few weeks or even longer before you start seeing the profound effect of a quiet mind. You won’t have the same desire to emotionally engage in thoughts that often are negative or distracting. The calmness you felt from simply relaxing will increase because when you are not distracted by internal dialogue the associated emotional response does not occur. It is this response that has an effect on the rest of your body. Practice the above exercise for 20-30 minutes per day. Make the time. The reward for patience is clarity of thought. For me It’s starting to work! I’m holding my breath less and the voices in my head banging on about how shit I am are quieter and sometimes not there at all! Yay! I know we all have shit , some really awful some not so bad , but shit all the same . So I’m putting this out there to help , cos if it can help me then It must be pretty good, cos Im a stubborn mofo!!!!!’ Hope it helps ! Xxxlovelaraxxx

Posted in Lara's blog

BREATHE

January 16th, 2019 by FairyDoula

Breathe
That’s the basis of it all. ‘Just’ breathing! As I put this ‘just breathing’ into practice it has become very clear to me that I hold my breath ALOT!
Ok so I’ve never learnt to breathe properly! I’m 46 and now my Mind is finally paying attention to my primary physical function that supports my life! This discovery is more than a little surprising to my Mind, it is however the truth my Soul has been communicating to my Body for my whole physical life!
At this stage Mind does a bit of negative thinking about how stupid slow and ridiculous I am , then I remember that my only real experience is Now and I am in charge of my thoughts and that I Awesome Being of Creation that I am, can create my reality .
So I breathe
Feet flat on ground, back straight, hands resting on thighs.
I recall the words of awesome Cunt Goddess Laura-Doe Harris ( The yoniversity.com look her up she
I s
AMAZING!!)
Accept the breath through your nose ,into your lungs , allow the breath to fill you completely.
Release your breath through your mouth let it all go , empty yourself ,
Then allow yourself to be filled again, from your Base, Pelvis, to belly to lungs , filled.
Then release your breath allowing it to carry away any tight negative stress and pains.
This is my recalling of her words not a verbatim account!
The memory of it does me good !
When it’s all getting too much
I remember,
I stop thinking and I breathe.
I’ve not found it particularly easy! My Mind runs away with itself , faster and faster and then sometimes I realise that I’m holding my breath …. then I stop and start again …. it’s like when I was teaching my toddling sons the small life stuff , socks, shoes ,teeth , feet etc , it took loads of attempts and I had to keep loving them and assisting them that they could do it themselves… so know I’m using some of my 20 years worth of Mum skills on myself!
Patiently I focus on my breathing and I also tap my sternum and say my thing( a version of Emotional freedom Technique EFT)
Even though ..(today) I feel scared and upset.
I still truly and deeply,
Love , Honour, Cherish and Respect myself.
All parts of myself
Including my scared and upset feelings
And I ask for help in healing
And I give thanks that it is happening.

I breathe some more and I realise that I’m not shaking anymore, my hearts beating normal and I am breathing, easily deeply and consciously!
Accepting that I am perfect and that bits of my brain could also function in a gentler kinder way to myself is more than a little confusing and challenging for me ! However I’m going for it anyway and moving a lot of old held stuff , allowing space for me to learn some new skills that I’ve missed out on so far! Like breathing!
In the last 4 years since my Stillbirth experience with my Son Angel Benjammin Love I’ve met a lot of people who have had some really traumatic Birth experiences, before that I mostly met people who had had really traumatic relationship or sexual experiences. It seems many of us have a heavy ride in life and all we can do is ride the wave and get skilled at consciously focussing our minds on what brings us the most Joy and the most Love , coz for me anyway I just can’t be bothered anymore just swimming around in the same old shit!
So here I am writing up anything I find that I can offer up to anyone searching to find their inner Love, joy and peace cos I reckon it’s worth a go!!!!
If it’s helpful I’d love to read yer comments! I do LOVE YOU ALL! Xxxlovelaraxxx

Posted in Lara's blog

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