Healthy Healing . Holding and hearing!

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

So here I am a week after the beautiful birth of a wild free baby . I’m the capable support and older , calmer , competent cook , driver , cleaner and sorter. I’m there to let the Mum and Dad relax into their Connection and relationship with their Son. I do the little everyday stuff that will be happening the same for the next few years like , washing up, bin emptying, recycling, laundry, tidying up , shopping, driving etc. I’m not here because the family can’t do it themselves, I’m here so they can focus on the beginning of their baby’s life and learn how to communicate and cooperate, with each other surfing and growing the massive rush of Oxytocin that they all felt as the baby was born.

It’s a brilliant invisible and fully seen job. It’s a job for a person who knows their worth but also is humble enough to know that they are just doing what needs to be done and that these jobs could be done by anyone. The best thing to hear is when the family state that they are doing it themselves! The worst is when they say that they couldn’t have done it without you! Amazing, invisible and easily replaceable is how I love to be ! What I do is not rocket science , just practical love-filled everyday magic.

I’m glad to be able to do this part of my birth assistant job just before I start this winters therapy proper. It reminds me of my skills and my Souls purpose. It also reminds me that I am brave and courageous and that I can do many things , so healing myself is definitely a possibility!!!!

This week my session was mostly about dropping energetic charges from the abusive relationship I was in in my twenties and thirties. We used kinesiology muscle testing to pinpoint the emotions that needed release and then utilised Anne Jensens  HeartSpeak to actually move them on. The feeling of needing to fight was felt ,released and then balanced by knowing . Then my feeling of sadness we searched for felt and balanced with peace . It’s such an amazing thing to feel the feelings and not connect them to any one story . To allow the feelings to actually be felt and to then let the balancing feeling grow until all is well and balanced.

Once we had done this process I felt I needed to make my emotional boundary with my old partner strong so I visualised my amazing golden sparkling bubble and I tapped the side of my hand until it was very strong. I felt very calm and empowered and I knew what I needed to do next . I needed to clear the residue of all of this from my chakras, I told Sandra this and she agreed gently supporting me as I gave birth to my own mental and physical healing process. I’m not gonna detail my process here but what I do offer is an exerpt from my new novel ‘The Story‘ which is a book set in 2118bc with a girl called Sha-la and in 2118ad with a girl called Sophie , the book follows Sha-la in the past as she readies herself for her First Imbolc Full Moon egg ritual, and Sophie in the future as she heals herself from the terrors of the ‘ one true god industry’ . The book is written in the style of Dion Fourtune, where the reader becomes the characters so Experiences the healings and evolutions as and alongside the characters at the same time.

Sophie lay awake knowing that sunrise was still a while away. She rose from her sleeping place in the Red Tent and walked to the opening in the scarves that lead to the outside world. She gently parted the scarves and allowed herself to walk naked outside into the nearly full moon starlit night. The warm night Air kissed her skin, mixed with the twinkling of the stars so Sophies whole body reaction was one of physical excitement and stimulation. She observed herself, feeling her feelings and feeling her body‘s reaction to the warmth and wetness of the rolling mists rising around her . Sophie smiled at herself , ‘feeling’ ,she was no longer shocked and astonished that she had feelings, however she was now in a place of gentle amusement that it ever been possible for her to have to have existed without feeling. As she let her hands stroke her skin she marvelled at the gentle electric shocks of skin touching skin and let this new gentle form of contact open her Heart and Mind. For a second all was bliss and beauty , then she was there, hands holding her down, the bright lights, the pain…..

It was different now, she saw the situation, and knew it for past memory, not present experience and breathed her Mind once more into the present. Sophie felt her body and realised that her new ‘feelings’ held the key to her being able to clear this past memory ‘present invader’ She moved her hands once more over her pelvis filling her hands and mind with as much soft and gentleness as she could , her body jerked and her mind began to jerk too , but, she stayed in this Here and Now with her Mind and now only her body was in the physically held past. Sophie placed one of her hands on her pelvis and the other one above her head, where the Angel said her crown energy wheel sits . She formulated the statement in her mind.

“All the ways that I have been invaded, used and abused.”

She said it out loud and then breathed in and out through her Roots then her Branches , then her Heart. Three times seemed good and felt right, so Sophie continued down the Rainbow Energy Wheels of her body, Crown, Brow, Chin , Throat, Heart left and right, Solar Plexus, Centre Pelvis , Left and Right Pelvis , Root front and back. At each energy centre she paused and felt the old held terror energy begin to move. At her throat she felt to yawn loads and was reminded that the Sacred Breaths Are The Yawn , the Burp the Laugh , the fart and the Sigh. At her heart she felt strong pains like broken bones and felt sick as they ached . As her hands came close to her Pelvis Centre she felt a deep terror come over her. Silently calling for help to her Angel , Sophie continued.

“All the ways I have been invaded used and abused.”

The blackball of terror , lodged so long in her Pelvis bloped and burped and began to move somewhere else. She breathed deep and allowed ‘that which does not serve ‘ to leave. Immediately her body convulsed in spasms of heaving. Sophie spewed everything out, leaving a black tarry mess on the grass. She stood up and gathered herself in once more, her attention now on the Left and Right sides of her Pelvis. She said her statement, breathed and then observed what came up. The unfathomable darkness and endless nothingness, emptied and filled her pelvis. In one breath in, she felt all that had ever been felt and held there. In the next breath out all was released, leaving a clear empty space. Sophie fought to keep her mind on her healing mission, breathing in the light from Her Crown and Roots and breathing out all that doesn’t serve. She called herself inwards to stay close and gradually filled the empty space with Light and Breath. Sophie realised that she was now sitting down and that the pile of shiny slime had now soaked into the dew covered Earth. She sat marvelling in her newly learned skills and then from behind her she heard the Angels voice, soaring and peeking like the beautiful Birds in subtle sunrise light. This is Heaven. Sophie thought to herself .This is Now where I only feel the emotions and feelings of Now. This body whose only memory is this Sunrise, is Mine !

The Angel’s voice toned and intoned until Sophie could almost see the Golden Bubble all around, her .As she finished singing Jo-anne chimed her finger symbols and gently Sophie once again felt her own body in the Here and Now.

“Well done lovely one!” Joanne nodded towards Sophie. “ I see you have been practising the Chakra Energy Release Technique I showed you. Your colours look much clearer than they did yesterday. “Yes.” replied Sophie.

“I’m beginning to recognise what is Me and what is stored memory. It is very interesting and confusing.”

I’d love to hear your opinions and experiences with the book and the healing processes. Please contact me and together we will all  heal from our collective and individual  pasts and then on clear sturdy foundations we will begin to create a new future for the next 7 generations ! Xxxlovelaraxxx

Feeling the fear… Love, anger and joy

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

Feeling the fear… love, anger and joy!

I’ve lived a very exciting life so far! I’ve taken responsibility and walked my walk far and wide speaking my truth, standing firm and activating Peace and Love wherever I can. It’s definitely not always been easy and some of my experiences I would not wish on anyone! I have said more than once that I am glad that my life is happening to me because I know I can cope and I won’t have to deal with it happening to someone else!

For a long time, from at least my early twenties, that’s 26 years! I have always not ‘done’ fear. I decided that I would face everything with Love, and fear could just jog on! I have awesome disassociation skills and have always put the fear at the back of the line when dealing with life and its myriad of mentalnesses!

Yep, I have always had a volatile temper and I have been the one to shout and throw stuff! Yes, I have bullies in my head telling me I’m shit when I make mistakes or I can’t cope with normal everyday stuff like reading numbers, knowing the date/time knowing my left from my right. Fortunately, I live in the West and it’s 2018! So this means I have enough privilege to find my skills and balance out my disabilities, I’m lucky enough that someone decided that numerexia, dyspraxia and ADHD, are all just different ways to process information and I am lucky enough to be able to read and gradually process the fact that I’m not stupid and useless – I’m actually just a person whose brain works in its own special way, just like everyone else!

So some of my skills that help me to be a brilliant Birth, Life and Death assistant are my abilities to feel my feelings but also put them aside so I can support whoever needs support for Birth, Life and Death.

This is the thing that I could not do for 2 years after the death and birth of my son Angel-Benjammin Love. I could not put down my grief , I felt broken and lost , could no longer serve and could not feel anything except grief and confusion.

People phoned me to ask me to support births but I couldn’t. After two years two close friends called me to support them and I tentatively said yes. Both births happened naturally and healthily before I arrived and I was actually glad to not have been in the birth-space, still not sure of how I would react! I did aftercare, cooking, cleaning and childcare and felt a bit more like my real self .

The next two years I supported women over the phone who had had stillbirths and also women who were about to have stillbirths. This was sad and challenging. however, the women all seemed empowered and healed by the fact that I was alive and that even though I had been through a mother’s nightmare I was still able to function and be with them. It gave them hope and I was glad to serve them in their dark times.

I was then asked to support 2 births of women who I did not know very well. I did support them and each Birth ended with a live child and mother, however both births were instrumental and surgical and were very traumatic for all involved, me included! I had to call in help from my tribe who reminded me that I cannot make anyone do anything I can only provide access to information and support the birth story as it unfolds. The babies are two years old now and the families are happy and growing strong. As am I, as I walk this path of self-healing!

In my last blog, I let people know that I am beginning a course of therapy for Complex Post Traumatic Stress. Even though I’m not starting the deep stuff until January when I will be safely housed on my new boat, which is being built at the moment. I am still going to weekly sessions and learning some first aid to help with the feelings that I have not ever really felt before.

A month ago, a friend who I have known since she was 7 asked me to be with her as she birthed. She was estranged from her mother and had moved to a new town so had minimal support. I went and visited her and her partner and they seemed young, healthy, strong and capable. They planned to birth in hospital and I would come to offer support during early labour and after when they returned from hospital. All was clear and I felt confident I could support these young members of my heart family tribe.

I came to visit delivering extra food blankets and towels , making sure all was in place for the birth . They were given a due date of 5th Nov and so by 1st Nov all was ready. We planned to meet up on the 3rd Nov at 9 am to go to a car boot sale and get some wishes like a rocking chair and some nice plants! At 6.30 am I got a call saying Lea was in labour and could I come over. I was given a lift by my Syzygy Jim.

Sitting in the van, I felt something. I realised that it was fear! I’m still not used to feeling fear so for a bit I was confused. I then worked out what was going on and I tapped myself and gave myself rescue remedy until the fear subsided. I know that it’s my job to emote love and create oxytocin’ in the birth-space so I was now concentrated on the ability to put my fear aside so I could whomp up enough oxytocin to support the family before they went to hospital.

When I got there, I took a moment at the door to breathe deep and place all that was my stuff at the door. I also asked the Goddess/God to be with me and work through me to support this family however they needed me too. I opened the door to the baby being born into its father’s hands!!!! I heard the baby cry and saw the placenta be born into a big cuddle of love. I made hot choc and gave out rescue remedy and contacted the local midwives to come and check the awesome new family.

It was a beautiful amazing experience and I learned that even though now I’m actually feeling my fear I can still put it aside to support and serve birthing families.which is my calling and choice!

I was questioned angrily and deeply by one of my friends who is healing from deep trauma and was told how lucky we all were that everything had gone well. I sat with the thoughts and feelings for a long time and then cleared a statement through my chakras which was “All the times and all the ways that I have been persecuted for supporting self-responsibility “.

I know first hand that some births do not end with a live baby or mother. I still stand firm that each family deserves their right to be supported in love not directed by fear, so I will always stand and support self-responsibility and praise it. Regardless of the outcome.

This week with my therapist she showed me a new emotion technique, which balances emotions.

I decide which emotion to feel and check with muscle testing what is relevant. I chose anger which is balanced by joy and fear which is balanced by Love. I began by sitting in a pose that symbolised my anger. Fists up, shoulders tense, jaw set, eyes flaming. I sat and felt the anger within me with no trigger point, no Story to connect it to, I searched in me for all the anger and I felt it’s burning flame in me able to do anything! When I could find no more I put my hands in my lap and let them rest palm upwards. Then Sandra directed me to feel joy, the feeling of the new family welled up inside me and I felt the golden joy flow from me and surround me. It was a brilliant thing to just feel.

Next, we did fear! I put up my knees and wrapped my arms around them and squeezed my eyes shut and went for it ….urghhhh! A massive cold terror gripped me, my heart almost stopped and I felt numb and freezing at the same time! Tears poured down my face and I was useless spineless and broken. A black tightness in my base gradually rose up through my chakras gripping each one with cold mean harsh tension right up to my head which felt like it was being crushed! I kept searching and finally I could feel no more so Sandra directed me to put my hands on my lap and to now open out to Love. I tentatively opened my heart and suddenly all cold was gone and a red-gold glow was shining in my heart space warming my whole body, my cheeks felt flushed and I could feel the warmth of love in my Base gradually rising up through my chakras ending at my head which now was filled with warmth and a radiance that felt calm and comfortable.

I was totally surprised at how horrible fear actually feels and I was interested to see that I felt I was going to die if I even tried to fight! I was also interested at how easy it was to move into love and joy after feeling anger and fear. I’m going to practice this weekly because I feel that I need some more practice at actually feeling feelings with no reactionary story behind them. I’m fully up for feeling fear until I know it as intimately as Love because then I will be very able to spot myself when I am panicking and I will be able to make it clear to others what is going on for me.

I reckon panic attacks and triggers are the first steps on a monumental healing journey that we are all on.

Each experience gives us more information and insight into our own physical mental stories and needs. We are learning new skills and our pasts have led us to this point where we can begin to actually heal! This is a challenge and it will not be easy but I reckon Now is the time and it’s way more fun than being bored!!!! Big love to all you Warrior clan of Love! Let’s make a new world!!!!! Let’s heal!!!!! Xxxlovelaraxxx

Anacronym Anarchy! CPTSD EFT & AIT

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

I’ve decided to start writing about my healing journey and the tools I have been using to help me finally be mentally and physically free from lifelong trauma – in the hope that others will see it and know that there is always hope and that we are amazing and we can do anything!!!! CW: bereavement; PTSD triggers

My perception of the world 4 years after giving birth to my stillborn son Angel Benjammin Love at 38 weeks, the subsequent loss of 8 pints of blood and the dying for 3-5 seconds while the angels in the hospital scraped out my womb so I could stop bleeding to death, has changed quite a lot!

Some people might observe that I now have emotional depth. Some others might note that now I actually ask for help from others and accept that sometimes I have to be vulnerable and allow others to help and assist me.

I have been a reputed ‘Superhero Mum’ for the previous 16 years travelling the planet entertaining, loving and wellfairying on the frontline of freedom, standing tall as a warrior in the war against drugs and drug takers that marginalises and scapegoats the most damaged and vulnerable in our society. It’s been big, it’s been fun and I wouldn’t change a moment!

However, during that whole time I carried traumas in my body and mind which made my daily existence a terrifying place to be. A few close friends knew, but mostly I wouldn’t let anyone close to ‘my stuff’. I gained a rep for being the mad crazy woman who would send men mad and or the occasionally raging violent woman who needed to be removed from places.

Fast forward to now and the traumas of the past are beginning to have space to open out, release, be heard and be felt.

It took a dead baby,  a dead me and 2 years later too many thoughts that I should be dead to get me to realise that I couldn’t do this on my own.

Enter MEET ! A group of Quakers, supplying energetic therapies to people on low wages, in Oxford. My awesome Angel at the Luther Street Surgery in Oxford put me in contact and even though it terrified me, I went to the preliminary interview.

I told my story to the kind lady , starting with the birth of Angel Benjammin, then tracking back through to my birth. When I’d finished she smiled warmly at me and said ”Well just one of these events would be traumatic, however, the three other events and the subsequent other situations that your traumatised self accepted, because of what you saw as normal, have compounded into a Complex version of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We will put you on the list for therapy straight away!”

My therapist, is a lovely Woman. She listens , doesn’t judge , and offers me tools to help move on the energetic charge of traumas that my body mind and soul still carry.

As we move into the winter I feel we all could do with some help moving our old stuff on and making some space to rest and create once again! So today I offer a very simple version of EFT Emotional Freedom Technique.

This is not intended to fix everything forever, but is offered as a first aid tactic when panicking is happening and also as a tool in your personal mindfulness kit to add to any mental practice you use.

Method

Hold up hand and tap the small finger side of your hand or just tap the front of your chest between your collarbones.

Then, say out loud or in your head “Even though I…… ( here is where you add whatever you need to , eg am still experiencing panic, still too angry , am full of fear etc) I still truly and deeply Love, Honour, Cherish and Respect myself. All parts of myself. Including my totally relevant ( panic, fear, anger, confusion etc) and I ask for help in healing this and I give thanks that healing is happening!

Then breathe deeply and see how you feel now . If you still feel really raw , tap again and focus on breathing and tapping again and see how you feel.

For me this works to calm mini-panics, in the moment, but for big ones, I have to sit with someone else to help me focus.

I’ve found that it’s hard for me to access this healing when I’m a full panic because the nasty team in my head spend too much time telling me anything I know is useless and that I’m too stupid to be able to heal!

Panic attacks are exactly that! Panic on all levels, especially the brain!!!! My first new skill is to notice when one is happening and step back from whatever has triggered the panic and tap my chest and focus on breathing in and out until the panic subsides. If I’m not quick to notice I could be right in one and not able to do it for myself!

Always ask for help – you never know, you might just get it. That’s my new mantra!

I tell people where I’m at and I ask for help! I refuse to be embarrassed about the broken bits of my brain cos I never see someone being embarrassed about their broken arm or leg. I just see them resting and healing and asking for help when getting up the stairs!

So here it is, my first anarchistic (meaning, to take responsibility) mental health tool! I hope you like it and it brings you peace!!!!

Beautiful Bad Wild Badass!!!

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

Here I sit on the coach – I’ve been travelling since 6 this morning. On my way home from the 2018 Midwifery Today Conference in Bad Wildbad, Germany.

How do I feel? My cup runs over with Love, compassion, supportive Sisterhood and oxytocic energy!

It’s an amazing thing to stand in a hall of Birthworkers and hear them all singing as one! Especially when they are singing the words that I have written!!!!! Yep, PHYSIOLOGICAL BIRTH THE MUSICAL had its first outing at the cabaret and was very well received!!!! From the impromptu disco dance at the beginning to ‘Love is in the Air ‘ through ‘Birthkeeper ‘ ‘Birth Lightning ‘ ‘The Birth Warp’ and finishing with ‘I am your placenta’ and ‘All you need is love’, it was a proper educational, inspirational and enjoyable experience!

I’m inspired to perform it other places and to start collecting people’s birth bits for each section, which could be collected together to create a kind of ‘birthing vagina monologues!!!!’

And then international physiological birth day!!!!!! The Sky is the limit!!!!!!

Make no mistake, maternal death rates are rising globally and we must find a way to reach the next generation of birthing mothers with our awesome ancient skills!!!!! So I’m on the mission! If you want me to bring my LOVE BIRTH SEX AND CHOCOLATE weekends to your area, read my books, perform my musical, show my birthing dolly and my awesome vagina cushions please get in touch!!!!!

Loads of love, Lara xxxxx

The V. Short Pregnancy Guide

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Birthing Stories, Lara's blog

(Written to Calm, Relax & Reassure! Honest!)

Being pregnant – lets be honest! Is very strange! O.k. maybe not all the time but on average mostly you feel very different. More different than you’ve ever felt before!!

Tired? Irritable? – Eating fresh raw foods in small amounts. Seeds bean sprouts, dried fruit – raises your blood sugar then irritations with people & stuff melt away! Honest!

Feeling nauseous? Steer clear of fags & booze!! Drink ginger tea /beer!!

Confused at your inability to “hold it down?” the extra hormones you get on your period (y’know the ones that make you irrational, psychotic, weepy etc) you get the same ones when you’re preggers only 80 % more! Your chemical make up has changed by ¾!!!! No wonder you feel different!!

Lying / Bathing quietly in the sun & water for an hour a day allows your brain & body to relax into this totally new state of being- Maiden to Mother, Flower to Fruit etc!!

Stiff? Full of achy bits? Your body’s ligaments & tendons soften during pregnancy so that your pelvis can tilt & make the birth canal a straight run for easy birthing!

That’s about it for the first three months (trimester).

In the middle 3 months you usually settle into pregnant life, being amazed at your abilities of taste & smell & sleeping!! You could have a renewed burst of energy & confidence as you see you’re your body start to change no longer do you just feel preggers now you’re starting to look it! Rubbing nut kernel oil onto stretchy bits makes it less likely that you’ll get stretch marks! Walking helps you exercise the calf & thigh muscles needed for physical active labor!

The third trimester 6-9 months is pretty good. The home strait! You feel pregnant, you look pregnant! Comfy seats, free food, shopping carriers, breakfast in bed, pampering, massages, etc. all these things & more are yours to command!!! So surround yourself with people who recognise that you are doing the best job in the world so that they treat you & your bump accordingly!

Drinking Raspberry leaf tea strengthens your uterine muscles so that they are able to squeeze out your baby! Tastes good too!!

Basically, thinking & planning how you want to feel & where you want to give birth, who you want to be with you & most importantly how you want to walk across the bridge from pregnancy to motherhood will ensure & empower you to give birth in the way that you know you can!!

“It’s called labour because it’s hard work!!”

Observations in the Medical centre – Lara

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

Firstly, it’s not lost on me how honoured and privileged I ( naughty fairy, hippy, me) am to be allowed to assist in this kind of place.

I walk around shadowing this diminutive purple-swirling midwife, rubbing shoulders with nurses, doctors and medical secretaries, all manner of people who on paper and in the eyes of many are more qualified than me to be here. I know that I am always where I am supposed to be!

Already today I have assisted with dietary advice, baby holding, IUD (coil) insertion, and vaginal growth removal ( a little purple pearl) I have cleaned up, re-stocked, remembered, observed and assisted.

My abilities of calm quiet speech to relax tense people and my hands full of universal Reiki have been appreciated and have made me feel at home and of use, in these pretty alien, medicalised surroundings.

I find myself observing to glean what is really necessary, which questions to ask, what dietary advice to give, the way that Love and cuddles create a bridge along which communication and compassion and Oxytocin can flow.

I see herbal and industrial medicine used wisely hand in hand. I see clinical and artistic models merged in a way that creates calm in the easily concerned and confused.

The path of the post-modern midwife is one of the artist and healer; artfully she mixes the palette of medicines to create optimum health and happiness for all she serves.

I like this reflection I see and wholeheartedly accept my role to be the successor of this woman and the many like her who have and will support women towards happy healthy natural births instead of leading women like lambs to the slaughter of industrialized birth.

“Never doubt that a small group of people working together can change the world. Indeed it’s the only thing that ever has” Margaret Mead

This path and calling is long and wide with many wolves and dark places. The joys will far outweigh the sadnesses but I will remember that all experience is just that, just another rich colour that creates the wonderful vibrant tapestry of our amazing lives.

Sometimes I feel small and stupid, that there is too much to learn, too much to do, then I remember to hold my own hand and believe in the vibration of the Universe that guides us all. This life is for living and being and a place to really experience all that our physical beings can experience. So to be called to the office of Midwife, with all of the colours of experience that it holds, is one I welcome – always with eyes wide with awe and with a heart open and full of love.  Fairy love and kisses Laraxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Birth of a Goddess!

Written by FairyDoula. Posted in Lara's blog

So here we go! I’m Lara, Mother, professional fire performer, Traditional Midwife, Traveller.

14 years ago I was blessed with the experience of giving birth to my first son – the brilliant and amazing Blue! Because I have a distrust of big institutions and I am unable to be disrespectfully told what to do and because the party is my favourite place in the world I decided to give birth in my home a mark 2 transit van on a hill in Totnes Devon, whilst my nearest and dearest friends raved to all my favourite tunes on out wicked rig! My theory being that, the walls were thin and I reckoned that I would make a noise so I wanted some music so I wouldn’t worry the neighbours!

Blue was born to the sounds of Madonna singing ray of light! and he is that!

I read only one book – Juliette de Bairicli Levy s ‘Natures Children’ – a wonderful herbal, diary, instruction manual for healthy women who wish to give birth to healthy natural nature children. It was brilliant, filled with positivity and guidance, it totally made me believe that I was naturally able to give birth and that I was capable of doing so, so I did! We ate the placenta for breakfast and I felt rocket powered! My milk came in and we all travelled off to a big celebration party in Cornwall overlooking the sea! All was well full of joy and positivity. Me and Blues dad, Geoff were totally competent, able and ready to be parents and we had had the birth experience that facilitated us to be so, we were in charge and we gave birth! Life is beautiful, birth is beautiful, is what this experience taught us.

Fast forward 3 and a half years and once again I’m giving birth, this time to Jake in a valley in Spain in my beautiful Renault Saviem 7 and a half ton truck! The party was brilliant, I span my fire and was supported by my ginga ninjas and Jake was born to the strains of lo-fidelity all-stars in Ibiza! ‘There’s no reason for you to cry, we’ll always be around…..’ Total joy!

Sometime after my first birth, I ended up supporting a seventeen-year-old giving birth, I was hitch-hiking and went to visit for a cup of tea! Saphora was born into her parent’s joyous arms and we skipped out of the hospital singing! By the time the second baby had settled into feeding and general life I was beginning to be asked to assist other travelling women as they gave birth. I did and there were many joyous births in trucks, caravans, buses, trees, benders, yurts and tipis. There were other women helping too, inspiring wise and wonderful, Vanessa, Sue, Tallulah, all brilliant! We started a group that met once a week to talk about pregnancy birth and all the questions people had. We called it the’ Pregnant Posse’

One day someone introduced me as ‘Lara the midwife’, granted I had been with this woman as she gave birth and had massaged her and made tea, given comforting hugs and words and had held her hand, but midwife! Suddenly I was filled with an urge to learn more! I was convinced that if I was to be seen as a midwife I would have to learn more to be worthy of the title and responsibility and respect it creates.

Vanessa had a programme for a midwife conference in Paris run by a group called ‘Midwifery Today’ – it was filled with loads of knowledge that we all wanted to know and best of all our total hero and guiding light Ina may Gaskin was going to be a speaker!” Oh, I wish I could go and meet her and learn all she wants to teach me” I said!

Fast forward again past making the money and getting there, fire spinning with a purpose had raised the cash for the flights to Germany this time, hotel and conference. I was in a room filled with midwives! I fastidiously took notes to send back to my friends so they too could learn more. I learnt so much! Not least that the way we had been assisting our fellow wild women was the traditional midwife path and was respected all over the world. Someone called me ‘the next Ina May’ when I told my ‘called to midwifery’ story and I knew that I really really had to meet her! Unfortunately, her husband was sick and even though she was supposed to be speaking she was not there. I felt the urge to write a letter to the organizer Jan Tritten, telling her my story so far, and thanking her for the brilliant experience. I wrote because I didn’t feel confident enough to speak! I was so shy, not really believing that I was on equal terms with such amazing women!

The next day Jan gathered me up in her loving arms and told me that she wanted me to come to all of the conferences. I told her I couldn’t afford another thousand pounds! She said that what she meant was that she wanted to become my midwifery mentor, assisting me to attend a total global midwifery education. She asked me to monitor at the conferences, checking badges and moving chairs, getting water and helping out, in return, I would attend the conference for free and she would make sure that the classes I attended would create a fully rounded and grounded traditional midwifery education.

Fast forward another 5 years, I have attended conferences in France, Germany, Norway and Denmark! Learning so much!

I have brought my profession and passion for fire to the conferences and have span fire shows and made many midwives fire-proof! When I was in Christiania in Copenhagen I span a fire show for many international midwives, including some Saami midwives from Finmark. When I finished the show the oldest of these women came to me and took my hand. ” I want to tell you a story. I want to give you a present” she said. I listened.

“In our religion, for a baby to be born first the father God Paderakkaa must think of the child, then he gives the thought to the mother Goddess Madderakkaa, she gives form and body to the child and carries it to the birthing woman in the birthing yurt. Her first daughter Ukksakkaa takes care of the door, her second daughter Jukksaakkaa looks after the floor, and her third daughter Saarrukaa looks after the fire and the birthing woman. YOU are Saarrukaa! ” she said gazing deeply into my ‘ naughty fire fairy’ eyes with her dark wise ones! I felt a chill fire all over me and did my best to be brave! from naughty fairy to goddess in one move! My self-belief worked hard to keep up!

In 2005 I got to see Ina May Gaskin talk about Sphincter Law and juggle with fake poo! She told us a story about ‘The mole who knew it was none of his business’ Telling us that if the world was more comfortable with its ‘pooping’ then we would all be much more able to be comfortable with giving birth! I agreed and decided to write an inspirational childbirth story for children and pregnant people. I called it ‘ The Princess and the Poo’.

The first time I actually met Ina May the first thing she said to me was ” Lovely to meet you Lara, I really love your book!” Can you imagine? That’s what I was going to say to her!

The past 7 years have been a blur of babies and birth knowledge and now I am about to commence on the manifestation of my wish. On Saturday, Jake and I are travelling to America. First we are going to Philidelphia to the Midwifery Today Conference, to learn more and to show the newly published version of ‘The Princess and the Poo’ then we are going on a road trip with Debra Pascale Bonero the woman who created the movie ‘Orgasmic Birth’ to New York then we are travelling down to Tennessee to ‘The Farm ‘ the commune created by Ina may and Steven Gaskin and their amazing friends. Here I hope to learn more about my calling to spiritual, traditional midwifery and more skills to support all the healthy wild women who know that it is their birthright to give birth supported – competently, humanely, joyously.

I have created this blog so that I will be able to share all that I learn with as many people as possible – and also as a log for myself so later on, I can write a clear, concise book detailing all I have learnt to assist the next generation to be born in gentleness joy and Love. May you enjoy reading it as much as I plan to enjoy learning it! Fairy love and kisses, Laraxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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